How a Cancer Scare Kicked the Fit Out of Me
No woman I know enjoys a yearly exam. It’s the time when the doctor you probably only see a few times a year gets really, really personal with you. Last week as said doctor was invading my personal space I heard her utter 6 words less enjoyable than the exam itself; “I think I feel a lump.”
At that moment my heart sunk just a little. I was reminded of the last time I heard those words. 7 years ago another doctor said the same thing to me which makes me wonder if this is what med school teaches them to say to women. I went in for a biopsy only to learn that I had benign cysts and the coast was clear. Phew! So, when I heard my doctor tell me this news last week I was slightly less anxious and had hope that the results would be the same.
So, at 34 years old I went in for my first mammogram. I walked in like an optimistic warrior with my chest puffed out a little. I was determined to not let fear take over me. My radiologic technician was very friendly, but not too friendly which comforted me a little when she was all up in my business. She gave the girls a deep tissue massage, squished them like hamburger patties, took a few pictures and told me to have a seat. At least the robe was 3 star hotel quality and slightly warm, that was a plus. A few minutes later she came back and told me that the doctor saw some areas that concerned him and he wanted to ultrasound the girl on the right………. Gulp!
She then led me to a different room and took pictures for what felt like an eternity. During that time I think I memorized her face. I watched as she raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth slightly as if she were making a shocked expression. I watched her scrunch her forehead and make an expression that resembled being perplexed. During this time I had a million things run through my head. I talked to God for a little bit to let him know I trusted him completely. I also wondered what the process is for a cancer diagnosis, I wondered what my kids would do without their mom. I wondered what I would look like without a right breast or if I would choose implants. I wondered a lot of things. I also wondered what my legacy would be if I were gone. I wondered what I would do differently if I knew I didn’t have much longer to live. I also wondered if I had been glorifying God with the gifts he has given me. And my answer was a loud and clear NO.
Coaching women to make better health choices has been my passion for as long as I can remember. But, I came up with every excuse why I couldn’t start a business or speak in public or write a blog that people would read. My excuses ranged from not being fit enough, to not being smart enough, to not having enough time and thinking the world didn’t need another fitness coach. And you know what? Those excuses are not God breathed. They are the enemy looking for a way to keep yet another woman on fire for the Lord from speaking the Truth. And at that moment I decided, no matter what the outcome, I wasn’t going to stay quiet anymore. It literally kicked the fit right out of me and drove me to reignite my commitment to sharing fitness and faith with whomever will listen.
Thankfully and with much praise, she came back to let me know I just have pretty dense breast tissue and I need to come back for exams every 6 months. I left relieved and praising God for taking care of me. I also left feeling motivated to truly begin sharing how Jesus has changed me. He has changed my marriage, my family, my opinions about fitness and nutrition and he has changed my life. If I keep quiet about that what good will it do anyone?
What would you do if you knew you didn’t have much time left on Earth? What gifts has God given you that you aren’t using like you know you should? Make a choice this week to use your gifts for his glory and keep me posted on how it goes.